Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing, but the dog is barking, call 911.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
By Erma Bombeck